Guilt. Its something we all encounter, but when guilt drives our craft, it seems to consume us. For instance, I really want to knit for me, I want to make myself something beautiful, but then the guilt comes and I think of so-and-so who’s having a baby, or that-sweet-couple I’m related to who’s getting married, or that-sweet-couple I’m not related to (no I buy them a gift, I don’t let guilt eat me that much). There seems to always be more people to knit for than not. I try my hardest, in fact I recently started a project I fully intended that I would keep for myself, but alas its not to be, the more I knit on it, the more guilt its throwing at me and it will indeed be going to a different home when its done. All and all though, guilt isn’t a bad thing, at least not this type of guilt. I’m glad I’m a giving human being who wants to be generous to others, I just wish I could finish a project for me, every now and then. Although truth be told usually the things I make for other people, turn out much nicer than the things I make myself. Maybe its because I put more care or thought into them. So I’m not saying that guilt is necessarily a bad thing, its just something that I have to live with. And I embrace it, even when I dislike it.
Guilt drove me last year to finally make my dad a sweater. I, in all the years I have knit, have never made him anything. Ever. The guilt was eating me away, so I finally knit him a sweater, and mom says she has to peel it off him in the winter. And I’m so glad I let guilt run my knitting them, because it made Dad so happy.
I made him Erik out of Cascade Eco. It was a neat construction, knit sideways. And it had lined pockets, something new for me. The funny thing is, I literally spent more money on the buttons than I did on the yarn.
It was mom and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary last year. Unfortunately last February we found out that mom’s breast cancer had come back for a third time and this time was in both of her lungs. While its not curable it is treatable, and so far the medicines are keeping it at bay. So we hope that we’ll still have many years with her.